Last week The Battle of the Bastards was as epic as expected. Fucknut Ramsay vs Jon ‘once was dead and now he’s not’ Snow went head to head on the battlefield.
In the lead up to the battle Ramsay, Jon and Sansa met for a parle. Ramsay asks Jon to kneel before him and return his wife.
Dismount and kneel before me, surrender your army and proclaim me the true Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North. Come bastard you don’t have the horses and you don’t Winterfell. Why lead those poor souls into slaughter? No need for a battle, get off your horse and kneel. I’m a man of mercy.
Jon suggests they do the honourable thing and do it the old way to save the lives of men. Just combat between the two of them. Poor Jon doesn’t have a fecking clue. Ramsay doesn’t know the meaning of the word honour let alone being brave enough to fight him man to man. They are more likely to see pigs fly and prancing unicorns.
Tell me will you let your little brother die because you’re too proud to surrender.
Sansa asks him to prove he actually has Rickon, to which he pulls out the head of the young boys direwolf. Point in case. At this point Sansa has had enough and draws a line.
You’re going to die tomorrow Lord Bolton, sleep well.
Once again she takes the lead. She is clearly establishing herself as someone to watch in the future. She also feels as if the men around her are ignoring her possibly sage advice, because who knows Ramsay better than she does?
You’ve known him for the space of a single conversation. I lived with him. I know how his mind works. You don’t know him. – Alright tell me, what should we do? How do we get Rickon back? – You’ll never get him back.
Sansa has a better political overview of the situation. She points out that Rickon is a bigger threat to his claim than she as a woman or Jon as a bastard. Rickon is Ned Stark’s true born son. She understands that Ramsay can’t afford to let Rickon go or live for that matter. She has already resided herself to the fact she will never see her brother again.
Sansa assures Jon that if they lose she will not be taken alive by Ramsay. Jon promises to protect and never let him touch her again.
No on can protect me. No one can protect anyone
Jon visits Melisandre to discuss his possible after death options. To be more precise, whatever you do don’t make me alive again.
Any advice? – Don’t lose. – If I do, If I fall, don’t bring me back.
She promises no such thing and reminds him that although he may be the commander in camp she listens only to the Lord of the Light, and if he wants Jon un-deaded again, then so be it. Who knows whether he brought Jon back just for this moment in time or brought him back to die again.
How depressing is that? Actually Melisandre has been a wee bit of a wet blanket lately. Her Eeyore routine is getting a little old. I think I preferred her more when she was straddling men, showing her tits and birthing dark shadow assassins.
Meanwhile in Meeren the Masters are attacking the city with their fleet of ships. Tyrion advises Dany not to go the same route as her forefather and not to destroy everything and everyone who opposes her. He is as always the voice of wisdom. More importantly he also mentions the caches of wildfire that are stored under the Red Keep, a fact which will become important later on.
The Masters cannot let Meeren succeed, because if Meeren succeeds, a city without slavery, a city without Masters, it proves that no one needs a master.
They meet with a delegation of the invaders to discuss terms of surrender, except the poor masters don’t realise they are discussing their own surrender.Your reign is over. – My reign is just begun.
Dany hops on Drogon, finally calls the other two dragons to her side, who must be mightily bored and pissed off by now, and shows the Masters exactly what a Dothraki plus Dragon invasion will look like.Tyrion tells the surviving member of the group to go back and tell all other rebels:
Go back and tell your people of the retribution. What happened when Danaerys Stromborn and her dragons came to Meeren.
Right on the tail of that victory and the capture of the Masters fleet the Greyjoy siblings come sailing into town with their 100 ship strong absconded fleet full of Iron born. They offer their support to Dany if in return she helps rid them of their uncle Euron. Dany enquires as to why she shouldn’t wait for the many more ships he can offer.
So why shouldn’t I wait for him? – The Iron fleet isn’t all he’s bringing. He also wants to give you… His big cock, I think he said.
Euron’s offer only stands if Dany accepts his hand in marriage. Well we all know the Mother of Dragons doesn’t need any man to support her, so she just smiles at the thought of this primitive Neanderthal trying to impose his will and genitals upon her.
You will support my claim, as Queen of the Seven Kingdoms and respect the integrity of the Seven Kingdoms. No more roaming, raiding or raping. – That’s our way of life. – No more.
Back to the Battle of the Bastards, and I must say Ramsay is very well-schooled in intimidating his opponents by literally hanging up flayed men, upside down and set afire. Those images alone are enough to send anyone in the opposite direction. He drags Rickon behind him on a rope.
Do you like to play games little man? Let’s play a game. Run to your brother. The sooner you make it to him, the sooner you get to see him again. That’s it, that’s the game.
Rickon sets of running towards Jon, and Jon starts riding towards him, as Ramsay draws his bow and arrow with the full intent and purpose of playing with his prey. Now at this particular point in time I can imagine a lot of people shouting ‘don’t run in a straight line, run zig-zag’ at their television screens. It’s archery 101 or rather what to do when you are archery prey 101. Instead the inevitable happens, just like Sansa said it would, and Rickon is shot straight through the heart just mere seconds before Jon reaches him.
Ramsay is obviously trying to get the leader of the opposition in a vulnerable position. Unfortunately our Jon is a bit of a hot-head and he takes the bait. He starts to ride single-handedly into the 6000 man strong army. Luckily Tormund understands the danger and he sends the Wildlings into the fray, as does Davos.
Ramsay seems to have the better military tactics, almost as if he had studied Roman military war strategy. He is outmanoeuvring them and clearly has them out-manned. He sits on is horse whilst giving command after command, which includes sending the Umber army into the fray.
Who owns the North? We do!
They surround Jon, his men and the ever growing pile of dead bodies in the middle of the battlefield. The men find themselves attacked from the front and the back with no possibility of escape. They are being hounded together into an even smaller space in an attempt to make them incapable of fighting.These scenes are fabulous, you can see Jon’s men understand the desperation of their situation and yet they still fight on regardless.
Jon stumbles as the men are pushed back by the spears and shields. He falls and is nearly trampled to death. The dead bodies surround him as he slowly starts to suffocate under the weight of the men around him.
What a scene, what a away to go. Then suddenly trumpets are heard in the distance and Sansa, Littlefinger and the Knights of the Vale arrive just in time to save the day. Literally.
Ramsay has a suitable Whattheeverlovingfuck face on, as he realises he has been outmanoeuvred by his sweet wifey. Looks like she has learned a trick or two from her time as his object of torture. Ramsay retreats behind the walls of Winterfell, but not for long.The giant knocks down the gate, so Jon and company can gain entry.
You suggested one on one combat didn’t you? I reconsidered. I think that sounds like a wonderful idea.
Ever the coward and snake, Ramsay starts to shoot arrows at Jon, who advances upon him like some act in a freak sideshow. Catching arrows with a shield as if they were nothing more than toothpicks. Like whatcha gonna do, kill me? Been there, done that, got the T-shirt mate!
Anyone else notice that Sansa didn’t really seem all that concerned about Jon dying in battle. She does however seem concerned about making sure Ramsay gets his dues. Jon beats seven shades of shit out of the fuckwit, but stops short of killing him. He tells his men what to do with Rickon’s body
Going to bury my brother in the crypt next to my father.
Sansa just wants to know where he has taken Ramsay. She pays her hubby a little friendly visit. Ok, friendly might be stretching it a bit.
Sansa, hello Sansa. Is this where I’ll be staying now? No, our time together is about to come to an end. That’s alright.You can’t kill me, I’m part of you.
Plenty of people have speculated that Ramsay is referring to Sansa possibly being pregnant when he says he will always be a part of her. Although I think she might be pregnant, I think he is referring to the fact she will never forget what he did to her. That he has damaged her in some way and she will always carry that around with her. As is often the case with abuse and rape.
Your words will disappear. Your house will disappear. Your name will disappear. All memory of you will disappear.
Sansa lets his hounds in. The dog in his face looks like some demon hound and it is completely freaky how he licks in such a friendly doggy way before going in for the kill.
My hounds will never harm me.- You haven’t fed them in seven days, you said so yourself. – They’re loyal beasts. – They were, now they’re starving.
Ramsay tries to hide his fear as a huge beast of a dog starts to lick the blood off his face. Down, Down he commands with a ‘not sure I’m in command any more’ voice. The hound licks his face again and then proceeds to eat it.
What a deserved death. I can’t say I’m sorry to see the bastard go. He had it coming tenfold. In fact I might have tortured him for a while before killing him, but hey that’s just me. Sansa smiles as she walks away and the Stark banner flies from the walls of Winterfell once more.
On a side note we also saw Ser Davos finally figure out what happened to Shireen and the role Melisandre must have played in her death. Methinks he will want vengeance for the wee girl who taught him to read. He confronts her in front of Jon.
Tell him what you did to her. Tell him! – We burned her at the stake. – You burnt a little girl alive. – I only do what my Lord commands. – If he commands you to burn children your lord is evil.
Ser Davos wants her executed for murder. Jon asks if she has anything to say for herself. It’s the Red Witch of course she fecking does. Cue speech.
You’ve seen the Night King Jon Snow. You know the Great War is still to come. You know the army of the dead will be upon you soon and you know I can help you win that war.
She totally has a point, but forgets that Jon is a very emotional man full of mercy and compassion, so he just sends her south instead. Exit Red Witch- stage left.
Sam and Gilly finally arrive at the Citadel, and whilst the scene itself might not be as important to the narrative I have to give its due as a bookworm. Sam is given access to the kick-ass library in the Citadel. I’ve died and gone to book heaven. ‘Sigh’
The same applies to the smallish scene in Dorne featuring Granny Tyrell, the Sand Snakes and Ellaria. It’s important in a political sense and will become more so when a line is drawn in the sand between all the potential contenders to the throne.
Cersei stole the future from me. She killed my son, she killed my grandson and she killed my granddaughter. Survival is not what I’m after now. – I chose the wrong words, it is not survival I offer. It is your hearts desire. Vengeance. Justice. (enter Varys) Fire and Blood.
This means Dany, Dorne and the wealth of the Tyrells have made an alliance. Now add the shit load of ships; the Unsullied; the Dothrakis; and the Greyjoys to the mix, and there is quite an impressive force on the way to take back the Seven Kingdoms. Oh wait, did I mention dragons?
The Winds of Winter episode (last of Season 6) sets each chess piece one step further on the board towards the ultimate goal and battles. Does someone need to remind them all that somewhere over the Wall, something wicked and icy this way comes.
Kings Landing and Cersei, well what can I say, as usual she doesn’t disappoint. If monarchs where picked based on how manipulative and ruthless they can be then she would certainly be right up there with the best or most evil of them.
It’s the day of the trial for Cersei and Loris. Whereas Loris has decided or has been told to tow the line and repent his sins, Cersei has no such intention. Since her option of trial by combat was taken away she has spent her time planning a more definitive and explosive revenge. Girl has got style, you have to hand it to her.
There will be no need for a trial. I confess before the Seven and freely admit to my crimes. I humble myself and accept whatever punishment the Gods deem just.
While Loris kneels before the High Sparrow, all of the nobility, Queen Margaery and her father, outside the Sept the beginning of the end for those inside begins. Qyburn’s little birds, who are a much tougher and more murderous breed than those of Varys, are now Cersei’s tiny army. Cersei has instructed the Mountain not to let Tommen leave his rooms to keep him safe from her insidious plot. Qyburn’s birds aka Children of the Corn, kill Grand Maester Pycelle in a Brutus like manner: Mass stabbing by friendlies.
You don’t deserve to die alone in such a dark and cold place. Sometimes before we usher in the new the old must be put to rest.
Margaery knows Cersei is up to something and realises everyone in the Sept is in immediate danger. She tries to convince the High Sparrow to let them all leave.
Cersei is not here, Tommen is not here. Why do you think they are not here? Forget about the bloody Gods and listen to what I’m telling you. Cersei understands the consequences of her absence and she is absent anyway, which means she does not intend to suffer those consequences. The trial can wait, we all need to leave.
One little bird leads Lancel on a merry dance below the Sept, stabs him and leaves him to die. When Lancel sees the candles sat in the middle of the puddles of Wildfire he starts crawling towards the candles to save the day. Puff the candles out. Oops, he missed. In one foul swoop a whole load of important characters become nothing but ash.
I’m not sure Cersei really could have anticipated what Tommen does next. In a way he takes control over his situation. No longer the pawn of many and the eternal child King. After hearing about the death of his beloved Queen and the atrocity his mother committed Tommen takes off his crown and leaps out of his tower window to his death. Cersei has a rather subdued response to her son’s death.
Burn him and bury his ashes where the Sept once stood.
We all know Cersei likes to take care of each enemy individually, so it shouldn’t come as a great surprise to anyone that she has tied her favourite female guard to a slab in the dungeon.
Confess, confess. Confess it felt good beating me, starving me, frightening me, humiliating me. You didn’t do it because you cared about my atonement. You did it because it felt good. I killed your High Sparrow and all his little Sparrows. I said my face would be the last thing you saw before you died, do you remember?
No you’re not going to die today. You won’t die for quite a while. Your Gods have forsaken you. This is your God now. (the Mountain enters) Shame. Shame. Shame.
Let’s just say I don’t think the Mountain is planning on playing checkers, scrabble or tic tac toe with the poor woman. She will certainly live to regret crossing the Queen, then again she might not live that long. I’m not sure I would want to either, especially depending on what the Mountain might think is entertaining when it comes to women who are tied up.
Jaime returns to King’s Landing to find the Sept gone, the sky filled with ashes, his last child dead and his twin sister being crowned Queen.
First of her name. Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men. Protector of the Seven Kingdoms.
A look passes between the two of them. Either Jaime finally comprehends how dangerous she is, which means he might have to make a difficult choice down the line, or the two of them will live up to their DNA and try to keep the throne. By the way Cersei is looking very Queen Boudica.
In Meeren the other Queen, you know the one with the dragons, is getting her shit sorted to go overseas and dumping her lover. He suggests an arrangement as her permanent side piece, but she isn’t having any of it.
If I’m going to rule in Westeros I’ll need to make alliances. The best way to make alliances is with marriage.
Dany and Tyrion become even closer. Methinks perhaps Tyrion has a tiny crush on the dragon lady. One of the more popular theories at the moment is that the three dragons each need a rider. Could Tyrion possibly be one of them and Jon another?
Tyrion Lannister I name you Hand of the Queen.
One of the more pleasant surprises of the episode was Walder Frey getting his just desserts. He is being served pie by a peasant girl in his empty hall, when he enquires after his sons, who are supposed to be there.
Where are my sons, they promised to be here by midday. – They are here my lord (Frey looks around sees no one). They are Here my lord. Here (she points to the large pie she has just served)
She has carved them up, cooked them and served them to their father baked in a pie. (Pretty sure this is a nursery rhyme). They weren’t easy to carve, especially Black Waldo. As she speaks her voice changes and she rips of her face to reveal her true identity. Arya Stark, the Lady Assassin.
My name is Arya Stark. I want you to know that. The last thing you’re ever going to see is a Stark smiling down at you as you die
Can’t fault her for being able to bring the drama. Even more so now she is a highly trained assassin. Her list isn’t very long though, what will happen when she meets the Hound and will she add new people to her list? More importantly will she leave a calling card, so everyone knows who did it? No fun if we are the only ones that know.
Talking about Stark girls, let’s get back to Sansa. Little ‘I am a conniving and creepy fruitcake’ Finger finally makes a move on Sansa. Makes sense now she is in such a position of power.
Every time I’m faced with a decision I close my eyes and see the same picture. Whenever I consider an action I ask myself will this action help to make this picture a reality, and I only act if the answer is yes. A picture of me on the Iron Throne and you by my side. You my love are the future of House Stark. Who should the North rally behind if not the true born daughter of Ned and Catelyn Stark, born here in Winterfell. Or a motherless bastard born in the South?
Meanwhile the great Houses of the North have gathered to consider their next move. Some of them are still opposed to collaborating with the Wildlings and seem to think the conflict is over. Jon reminds them of the threat coming their way.
The war is not over and I promise you friend the true enemy won’t wait out the storm. He brings the storm.
A discussion ensues about the person they should be following and once again little Lady Mormont steps up to the plate and makes the rest look like the cowards they are.
The North remembers. We know no King but the King in the North, whose name is Stark. I don’t care if he’s a bastard. Ned Stark’s blood runs through his veins. He’s my King from this day until his last day.
Her words don’t fall on closed ears. The men are soon rallied and ready to pledge their allegiance to Jon Snow. He is now the new King in the North. Sansa smiles, but she and Littlefinger glance at each other. Will her new found taste for power and control be stronger than her emotions for her brother. She has only just told him that she believes him to be just as much a Stark as she is. Jon is far too trusting of her.
We need to trust each other. We can’t fight a war amongst ourselves. We have so many enemies now. – A raven came from the Citadel. A white raven. Winter is here.
Her younger brother Bran has just reached the Wall with Benjen and Meera. His uncle can’t take them any further, because the wall was built to keep certain things out, and he isn’t completely human any more.
Wall’s not just ice and stone. Ancient spells were carved into it’s foundations, string magic to protect men from what lies beyond. While it stands the dead cannot pass and I cannot pass. The Great War is coming. I’ll do what I can , as long as I can.
Bran decides he wants to go back into time again, despite the mess he caused the last time he played Dr. Who. He returns to the scene at the Tower of Joy where his father Ned tries to save his sister Lyanna. Instead he finds her close to death, after giving birth to a child.
Listen to me Ned, if ‘mumble something I couldn’t make out’ finds out he’ll kill him. You have to protect him. Promise me Ned. Promise me.
Thereby confirming that Jon Snow is the son of Lyanna Stark and possibly Rhaegar Targaryen, which means he is also a legitimate heir to the Iron Throne.
So where does that leave us? Tyrion, Dany, the Greyjoys and the dragons are heading full throttle to take the throne. We all know Cersei still wants Tyrion’s head for the murder of her precious psycho son, so that should be interesting. The North has a new King, but a sister who wants his title. The Night King isn’t going to wait forever, after they have figured a way over said magic Wall.
As it stands we now have the internal battle for control of the Seven Kingdoms and then the battle to make sure the dead don’t eat or kill all the living.
Don’t know about you but I can’t wait for Season 7. Roll on 2017!
Read Game of Thrones: I’m Going Home, Game of Thrones: Hold The Door, Game of Thrones: Mother of Dragons, Queen of Fire, Game of Thrones: Dead or Alive, Game of Thrones Et Tu, Olly?, Game of Thrones Rise of the Dead, Game of Thrones Bend the Knees, Game of Thrones Bite of The Littlest Lannister Lion, 42 Game of Thrones Chrome Themes, Game of Thrones The Little Lannister Lion Roars, Game of Thrones The Red Viper Bites,Game of Thrones Historical and Geographical Influences, Game of Thrones Here There Be Dragons, What makes Game of Thrones so compelling?, George R R Matin Doesn’t hate the Starks or Winter is coming to a desktop near you.