Have any of you had the pleasure or rather the distinct displeasure of watching the US TV series Legends, starring Sean Bean?
If you have and are enjoying it, then good for you. If you have and you think watching it is the equivalent to chewing nails and hamsters wacking your eyeballs with spiked paddles, then I am right there with you.
It makes me wince, squirm, facepalm and utter many loud oaths.
Someone needs to have a chat with the person in charge of casting. Aside from the Bean, Tina Majorino, Morris Chestnut and Steve Harris, the constellation hasn’t got much going for it. Even the alleged ex-wife has more potential than Ali Larter, who is supposed to be the femme fatale of the series, except she is missing the fatale.
Which of course brings me to the actress with less mimicry than a skin-tight pair of leather pants. Can we do any other facial expressions other than smirk, smarmy smile and I have got my knickers in a twist shocked face?
Give me a tossing break. Let’s not even talk about the pathetic attempt at impersonating a lap-dancer. I think I would have gotten more aroused by a Twinkie in lingerie. No wonder the Bean was just sat there like a drowning man being offered a shoelace to pull himself up on board a boat.
Whoever thought Larter was going to bring sparks, tension, playful dialogue between ex-lovers, and pull off being the superior officer in charge to the table, was wrong. So much so that it might be enough to sink the ship, especially because the bad acting and mediocre storylines have already started to drag this particular vessel downwards.
Tell me, can you feel my frustration?
It is aggravating to see an actor of the Bean’s calibre be subjected to this farce. Even he knows the show needs a breath of life and perhaps a co-actress with a little more presence and a little less of a hair-tossing affliction.
The Bean himself seems almost resigned in his attitude.You can literally see it on his face when he is playing his part. He spends his time waiting for the others to catch up with him, he halts and gives them the ‘get a fucking move on mate’ look.
Then there is the ‘I am only doing this for the money, because I have a bunch of ex-wives, kids and a grandchild to support’ bored look.
My favourite is the ‘forget the pint I need a bottle of scotch to survive the pain and embarrassment of this bucket of shite’ look.
When I compare the charade called Legends to his work in The Accused, a role in which he plays a transvestite so well that the image of him as Tracy will be forever conjured up in my minds eye when I think of him, well there just isn’t any. Or perhaps his epic head-rolling role as Eddard Stark in Game of Thrones. I am still slightly shocked they dared to kill the Bean, again.
He has played the debonair officer in Anna Karenina, the amorous gardener in Lady Chatterley’s Lover, the villainous Carver Doone in Lorna Doone, and the slightly rough round the edges soldier in Sharpe.
Role after role of excellent characters thereby proving his ability to play a variety of parts. He is perhaps not your usual Shakespearean high-brow thespian, but he has always had a very distinctive style and flair, which makes him a fan favourite.
I will be more than surprised if Legends gets the chance at a second season. If they do they should consider ditching the blonde lollipop girl, find a new test audience with some taste and tighten up those plots. There is only so many different bad accents a man can pull off.
No matter the outcome, I will always love me a bit of Bean.
Free download of the above mentioned books
Download to read Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence at Feedbooks here.
Download to read Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy at the Internet Archive here.
Download to listen to Lorna Doone by R.D. Blackmore at Librivox here.
Download to read Lorna Doone by R.D. Blackmore at Feedbooks here or the Internet Archive here.