Investments For Citizenship Or How To Get Outta Dodge

Unhappy with where you are living? Maybe your gardener or pool boy is not up to snuff. A little known fact; citizenship may be purchased for those whose tax bracket are much high than your average person. In a society where all the free perks are given to those who can actually afford to pay for those perks, one can purchase a one-way ticket to where ever they want to live. Deals can be made in a variety of countries, in exchange for cash, property purchases, investments in countries infrastructure or wave some smelly cash around under an official’s nose. Or all of the above.

I accidentally tripped over a CNN article that was more like an advertisement for travel destinations. The article was actually about Snowden and “where can he be” and what possibilities he may have if he has a backer with money, is what they were alluding to. Most countries have deals in place where you can invest within their countries and a waiting period, which differs from country to country, and you can basically become a citizen. There are two countries in the Caribbean where cash is king, plus receive the bonus plan, visa free travel up to 32 countries. Visa free? And governments are worried about bad people crossing borders and starting trouble with explosive devices? Really?
Maybe their thinking is that anyone with that much cash is a special snowflake and couldn’t possibly be bad!!
According to CNN, “St. Kitts and Nevis; Cash for citizenship is an easy concept to understand. It best applies to just two countries in the world — both of which happen to be in the Caribbean — and is 100% legal and can happen in as little as a few months. “Overall, St. Kitts and Nevis clearly offers the most attractive citizenship-by-investment program available today,” said Henley and Partners, a Zurich-based consultancy specializing in global residence and citizenship planning for the past fifteen years.”
Ah, thank goodness for this investment firm of Henley and Partners. I swear to all that is mighty, I don’t know what I would do without them. I soooo value their advice. “sniffle” Love these guys.
The cheaper option, the article states, is coughing up a quarter of a million U.S. dollars, which is a “contribution”, “cough”, to the Sugar Industry Diversification Foundation. Real estate investments worth $400,000.00 are the second way to purchase citizenship. Anyone with the green backs is eligible except the country of Iran. I guess Iran is the only naughty country out there. Are ya sure about that?
Dominica; This country requires less money, you know, for the rest of us poor rich people. There are four packages available. Yes, they said packages. A “deposit” of only $100,000.00 in the National Bank of Dominica will do the trick. A family of four, the amount doubles. Of course it does, it’s kind of like the family packagewhen enteringinto Disneyland or Magic Mountain.
Applicants must be of “outstanding character,” must wait “at least eight weeks” for approval and must have a “basic level” of English, according to Dominica’s website detailing the citizenship path. An added bonus: investors can stay in their home country for the mandatory interview provided they foot the bill for three members of the interview panel to fly to them — the full cost of hotel, airfare, an unspecified per diem and an additional $3,000.” What the? I think they call this pocket money. However, the lower investment hurdle, relative to St. Kitts and Nevis, only gives visa-free access to 85 countries.
Basic level of English? Hmm…..this means I cannot possibly take the servants. Oh well, they didn’t fit the uniforms I insisted they wear anyway. Wait a minute. Well crap, I’m only entitled to85 countries where I can tool around the world with no travel visa? That’s a bummer. (No wonder the “bad people” get in and out.)(Insert major swear words here.)
Antigua and Barbuda; These two countries will have three options this summer, the article also states thebill these two countries passed in order to get in on the cash benefits, was controversial. Ya think? I love the way they bandy the word contribution about. Sounds like they laundered the word kickback/bribes. Another quarter of a mill can get you into a package or another $400,000.00 deal in real estate can get it done. The third option must be the premium package; $1.5 million “business investment” that allows an applicant to put money in government-approved businesses. (Oh lord, these people don’t have the good sense God gave a goldfish.)An additional $50,000 application fee and a so-called $7,500 “due diligence fee” exist on top of the investment amount. I told you…pocket money!
If approved, new citizens will enjoy visa-free access to nearly 120 countries, which include the United Kingdom, France and Canada. “Nods head, premium package”.
Austria; WTH Austria? Really? In Europe, Austria stands as the lone country where citizenship by investment is possible, according to Henley and Partners. You can be a citizen hereand pay 50% taxes or you can be a citizen, live elsewhere and pay no taxes. I’m all about saving the trust fund.
This article further states, the route, taken by few and accomplished by even fewer, can happen for “rendering exceptional services in the interest of the Republic,” according to an Austrian government website. One such service that has cleared prior clients, added Henley & Partners, is a direct investment of $10 million. (Oh yeah. I’ll just cough that right up, no problem.) I wonder what rendering exceptional services really means? Naw, on second thought, I don’t want to know, it would probably just piss me off.
Hong Kong; “In all of Asia, in terms of freedom to move capital, taxation and residency requirements, Hong Kong would be the best choice,” said Denny Ko, Managing Partner at Henley and Partners in Hong Kong. Damn, these guys get around!

“Under Hong Kong’s Capital Investment Entrant Scheme, or CIES, an investment of about $1.3 million gives applicants residency rights. You can buy stocks in companies listed on the Hong Kong Stock Exchange, debt securities in airport or railway companies or certificates of deposits that mature after just one year. In addition to enjoying one of the lowest tax rates in the world, 15%, residents can use the city’s well-regarded public health care system — just $13 to see an outpatient specialist versus about $150 for non-residents.” Okay, if Hong Kong can manage great healthcare, why can’t we? (Dumb question.)

Singapore; This city has a great tax rate also, depending on your income, of course. But, this city’s investment for citizenship procedure is much harder to acquire. “Potential applicants must have a three-year track record of business and entrepreneurial experience. They must also prove past profitability — annual revenues of some $160 million in real estate and construction-related industries or revenues of about $40 million for all other industries, including pharmaceuticals and manufacturing.” So, if you have a corporation, plus $2 mill, you are sooo in!

Ruh roh! “Cons for permanent residency include mandatory military service for second-generation males who are also permanent residents, well-known censorship of press freedoms and seasonal smog blankets from Indonesian forest fires. The number of applicants have “fallen by at least half over the past year.” That’s because us trashy poor rich folk got done screwed the last few years, duh!
Australia; Significant Investor Visa, or how many ways can we say bribe this country to let my narly ass in. “Launched in November 2012, the program targets high net-worth individuals and requires a roughly $4.7 million investment. Applicants can invest in government bonds, infrastructure projects or private companies. In return — and in as little as three months — a significant investor visa can be issued. After four years, holders can apply for permanent residency.” You mean I have to wait, “sputter” four years??? “Tapping toe” Really? Why would I pay you nearly $5 million dollars to wait four years, travel a bajillion miles to get there, when I can pay a hell of a lot less and be on a beach in St. Kitts? Didn’t I mention goldfish earlier? Sidney and Melbourne are one of the two most expensive cities to live in, with personal taxes of 45%.
But oh the perks! Free….I said Freeeeee health care! What? So I’m cheap too. So sue me. Visa free access to……”drum roll”……160 countries! (But, you will love this little tidbit, really think about what this says), “on par with passport holders from the United States and United Kingdom.” Bada bing!
United States; “Entrepreneurs (and their spouses and unmarried children under 21) who make an investment in a commercial enterprise in the United States and who plan to create or preserve ten permanent full time jobs for qualified United States workers, are eligible to apply for a green card (permanent residence).” This was interesting; The Barclays Center in New York, the new home of the Brooklyn Nets, was built partially with investment from overseas donors seeking U.S. citizenship. A little-known immigration program allows wealthy investors to get a green card in exchange for funding American businesses.
“You must invest $1,000,000, or at least $500,000 in a targeted employment area (high unemployment or rural area). In return, USCIS may grant conditional permanent residence to the individual.” Damn! We be cheap! But I have to move to bum f….Egypt in the boonies?
United Kingdom; Of course the U.K would have a tier system. “eye roll” There just isn’t any other way to go when you move to Britain.
U.K. Tier One Investor Category; you may gain citizenship in six months! “No requirements in regards to the investor’s education, age, nationality, language proficiency, or business experience.” Not too picky for Brits, I’m impressed.
“You need to invest a minimum of £750,000 of the entire £1 million when applying from within the UK. The remaining £250,000 may be invested as you wish (e.g., buying your UK home).” Well, knowing the British market, that’s not going to go far. Even if you do find something to purchase, don’t think about redo’s in the loo. The local village will have to approve your new toilet and sink, if they don’t like your choice, you’re screwed. 
The U.K. Tier One EntrepreneurCategory;“In order for your application to be successful, you must score a total of 95 points and meet all the other requirements of the UK immigration authorities. Please see linked site on how you can score 95 points when applying from outside.” 
You must have access to 200,000.00 pounds or not less than 50,000.00 pounds. “scratches head” Alright, I’ll bite. What the punch line is, if you have less money, you are required to “score” 95 points with the immigration officials, but, if you are filthy, stinking rich and an ignorant blight on society you get a pass. Dontchaloveit.
The point that I’m trying to get across is this, if you have super-uber money, you get a pass on pretty much everything, including getting outta Dodge. I’m I jealous? Nope!

It’s kind of like this; remember the Thanksgiving holiday, when all of your crazy uncles and cousins show up for a once a year food fight, trash the house, yelling and screaming in the midst of a druken holiday revelry? And you can’t wait to tell your friends or anyone who will listen, but God forbid someone else says anything bad about your crazy ass family. You will kick their ass to kingdom come. That pretty much sums up how I feel about being here, at home, with my kids, in the land that I love. Happy Fourth of July!

4 thoughts on “Investments For Citizenship Or How To Get Outta Dodge

  1. I wonder how long it will be before governments decide that those of us who aren't making 6 figure salaries are not a good enough investment to allow us to stay in our native countries. …and the rich shall inherit the earth.

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